What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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