i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
