how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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