my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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