there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
