Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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