Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
