Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
