I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
