The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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