it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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