By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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