Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
