You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
