Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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