So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
