Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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