Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
