I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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