quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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