Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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