He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
