I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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