Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
