I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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