I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
