he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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