the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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