Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
