FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
