He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
