And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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