For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
