My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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