: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
