i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We need a shit load of segways right now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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