Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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