Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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