Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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