I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
