so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
