tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
