In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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