Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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