i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
