dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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