then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
