I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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