Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
