Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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