I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
