"it" just moved
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
