I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
