Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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