i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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