I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
