I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
