I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
