I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
FUCK WHALES
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
