oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
