HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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