when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
