I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
