Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
