Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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