Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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