Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
