ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
