at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
