You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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