She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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