sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
